They was all just laughing, just giggling and laughing, and we snuck out while they was laughing. Snot's mom, Greg and Stelio and this new couple, Gina and Chad Then they all started laughing because of course, nobody had He said "Well, now that we've all made the connection, I hope everybody was using protection" Talkin' about "You fucked her, and ducked him," screaming while they all shoutīut then.Principal Lewis started laughing, just sittin' there, giggling to himself, just laughing Seven minutes later, twelve adults with their guns out Now Greg's pager's flashing blue, he said "My bed's got a clue" Then Greg fell out, said "Avery, how could you be so dishonest?" Then Lewis starts waving his gun around and bustin' shots off into the closet "Wait, holdup, I know this ain't the dude that's the reason for the calvarade lingerie" "And whose clothes are those thrown over the TV?"Īnd Snot's mom was like "but, but, but, but, but." stuttering all over the placeĪnd Lewis says "Girl, unless you got Parkinson's, start talkin' straight" "How'd you even know that you was fittin' to see me?" "I'm glad this whole thing is out.wait, why are you wearing a negligee?" Then Lewis says "It's been a helluva day" It's hard to believe that Snot's mom was banging Lewis Talking about "Don't speak, don't move no moreīut Snot's mom came in and said "Lewis Baby, put down that gun and uncock it"Īnd that's when we noticed they were wearing the very same. Principal Lewis kicked in the door, waving a forty-four "Damn, you bonded over "Risk," that's beautif." I was like "Amen." Snot was like "Amen to that." "See, his dad died, and my dad died, and "Risk" is therapeutic" Then Mertz jumped up, said "I'll explain so that you two will cool it" "I can explain" "Well, then, go ahead and explain yourself" Snot was like "listen." "No, no, no, no, no." "What, now you're close, wait, you're drinking milk and cookies" "I'm betrayed, my favorite game you're playing with that bully" I walk in and what do I see, Snot and Mertz playing "Risk" Maybe I called the wrong number and got the wrong phoneīut, the doors are open, smells like potpourri The dude that picked up wasn't Snot, it was Mertz Rring."Come on Snot, I need you to pick up the damn phone right now"Īnd the next part's so jacked up that it hurts I'm calling the one dude who can help me out of this mess So I, speeding down the street reaching for my phone, about to have a fit When he opened the door, the rat turned out to be secretary. Then he pulled out a Jericho 9 millimeter, started bustinĪnd just when I thought it couldn't get more scary "Wait, what the heck was that? Sounded like a rat." "Steve, if my new woman hear about this she gonna leave" "We? What the fuck you talkin' 'bout man, There's no "we" "I got a new woman so we need to get our stories straight" "Man, that's your business, not my business, I don't need no update" I was in the AC man, hunting for rats, I swear to God" He was talking about "Budget cuts, no pest control for months This fool is having a panic attack, I hope this is over soon Three forty seven, in Principal Lewis' room She's coming at me, and this is when things start to get foolish "When somebody's creeping, we call in Jewel"įourteen years old, at least two hundred and fifty pounds "So listen close, 'cause this is what we are gonna do" "Cut that bullcrap Steve we know that you've been acting shady" Now let's start over, my name is Steve, it's nice to meet you ladies" " Wait, hold up, let me explain all the shit I've been going through I'm like, "You." She like, "Who?!" I'm like, "You bitch." She like, "Woah, who you calling a bitch?" I'm like, "Hold up bitch, you need to lower your voice, do I make myself clear?" So these girls pull me out of the locker talking about "What the hell you doing up in here?" She's opening the locker, wish there was some way to block her. She's approaching the locker, they're done practicing soccer This is not who I want to see, was running 'til I saw an openingĪnd now the whole soccer team's bound to freak Then he said "I'd better go to my grandma's house" I'd forgotten to grab my wallet, because I was rushin' See, I was walkin', Snot was talkin', I remembered something I should be doing my homework inside my own room Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet", sung by Steve Smith in " Criss-Cross Applesauce: The Ballad Of Billy Jesusworth" as he explains how his day goes, from accidentally getting locked in the girl's soccer team locker room, to witnessing Principal Lewis shooting his secretary, discovering that his best friend is playing games with a mutual foe and said friend's mom having sex with numerous neighbors. "Trapped in the Locker" is a parody of R.
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